I help people learn how to repair their own hearts and communicate with their loved ones in a way that honors both their commitments and their agency. In my therapy room, we begin that process by first connecting with ourselves and one another. This involves befriending the body and the mind through minimally invasive techniques such as mindfulness, concentration, and lovingkindness practices, CBT’s ICARE; FBA methods, and exploration of attachment strategies. To that end, many clients can benefit (I certainly have!) from DBT’s focus on distress tolerance and emotional regulation, which help us gain mastery over our lives even when we face headwinds like triggering situations.
 

There is a synergy between these two areas; as we develop a relationship with ourselves, we are ever more able to identify, restore, and integrate alienated parts of ourselves. My clients often discover, for example, (as I did) that underneath their anxiety is perfectionism, and underneath that is a gifted and parentified inner child who was held up to an impossible
standard.
 

As we develop our therapeutic alliance, we will introduce relational skills into the mix. For us, these emerge out of nonviolent communication, DBT’s interpersonal effectiveness, EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) & the Gottman method, etc. depending on the client and the situation. We may explore different frameworks for thinking about relationships, for example as ecosystems or as cultures, as well as exploring how relationships evolve over the life course. I also offer optional seasonal family sessions to help my clients strengthen those relationships and review their progress with someone who is not their therapist.
 

You may note here a preponderance of “we”s. That is not incidental. My commitment to my clients is integrity: that is, I use the same skills my clients do on a regular basis in my own life, and regularly model this in session. For that reason, I bring a lot of myself into the room. If you are looking for someone distant and Freudian, I may not be for you. Also because of this approach, I tend to be more direct and directive than the average therapist. If you are primarily looking for a gentle talk therapist who is not going to point out the ways in which you are not aligned with your values, I also may not be for you.
 

But if you are exhausted by cycles of violence that show up in your life and are willing to work to pursue virtuous cycles instead but aren't sure how to go about it, I’ll be with you every step of the way.